‘Self acceptance is the refusal to be in an adversarial relationship with myself’ Nathaniel Brand
Do you find that you often criticise yourself? Is self-hate driving down confidence and motivation?
We are all guilty of sometimes being critical of ourselves. You may find yourself often being nice and kind to your family and friends and very hard upon yourself. This inward self-hate has detrimental effects on your self-confidence and internal motivation. Self-loathing can be created out of several circumstances. You may have suffered through an abusive childhood or you have had a judgemental peer group in your teens. For some of us, there may be no tangible reason why we dislike ourselves.
As a result of self-hate (many times unperceived by us), one begins to derive esteem and love from other people. As therapists at www.caswillow.com will tell you, this negative thoughts process becomes a deeply entrenched and tenacious pattern. Eventually, all your behaviour will be dictated by social approval. In the entire process, we end up sacrificing our identities and who we are.
Here are some common examples of self-hate that most of us may have experienced at some point:
- ‘However hard I try, I am never going to be good enough’
- ‘I am fat and ugly and nobody cares about me. I don’t get invited to parties’
- ‘I am not worthy of love; that’s why my partners leave me’
Self-hate is an insidious pattern and will play itself out in reality in various ways that confirm your low opinion of yourself. This internally programmed response is so subtle that we rarely have any perception of it. Deeply ingrained and hidden behaviour patterns and beliefs have far-reaching complications that reflect in our lives. We may find ourselves becoming overly critical of others and may it challenging to forge loving relationships.
Counselling can help you transform self-hate into self-love by helping you change your relationship with yourself. For example, ‘I am fat and ugly and no one loves me’ gets rephrased into ‘I love the way I look and I will seek friends who are truly interested in my welfare’.
A trained counsellor helps you replace negative, self-hating phrases into positive affirmative thoughts. You will be amazed at the healing transformation that takes place over a few weeks. Self-respect and self-esteem help you create the life that you want and lead to a more joyous and fulfilling experience.