counselling - Cas Willow

January 13, 2017January 13, 2017

Notice the Thoughts You’re Following

It is important for self-confidence to notice your thoughts.

Take note of the thoughts that you choose to follow.

Are your thoughts helpful or not helpful for you?

Validate your own thinking and thoughts and then choose to let those thoughts go, however, it is important to validate them first.

In today’s world, many people spend a lot of time in front of a screen, on social media not being social.

Statistics are showing that too much screen time can be detrimental to person’s mental health.

When utilising social media and screen time it is important to be aware and train yourself to be mindful, to stop and think of your thoughts and the harm your thinking may be creating for you.

Sitting home alone, surrounded by the computer, laptop, tablet and smartphone.

Feeling lonely, feeling angry possibly, feeling cheated or even feeling hard done by.

Even feeling intimidated maybe.

The initial spark is not important.

You have that thought…

You choose to feed that thought…

Before too long that thought is out of control…

THIS IS THE DANGER ZONE!

At this time, you may choose to share that thought with another, who instead of having you see that thought for what it is and how it began.

They add fuel to your thought, believing it is your reality.

It may be something you have imagined to be true or blown out of proportion in your own mind, by feeding a thought and making assumptions.

Awareness (Mindfulness if you want to be trendy about it)

As soon as you share…

As soon as you send…

As soon as you post…

It is no longer about YOU

It then becomes about the person or group of people you have chosen to take aim at.

Yes.. you are still hurt and angry and possibly many other emotions, and you are allowed to be all of them.

However you have a need to be careful about directing that hurt or anger toward other people, it is not okay to take aim at other people.

Such action can lead to being interrupted as slander, bullying and possibly incorrectly imply, accusing or judging another and without checking in on the facts of your own thinking, and this can be damaging for, not only yourself and your own self-confidence, but it can also affect other people.

So.. even home alone, behind your screen, you are connected to the outside world, even if you may feel extremely disconnected.

So.. BE CAREFUL… What you send.

BE CAREFUL… What you post.

BE CAREFUL… What thought you fuel.

October 22, 2010August 14, 2012

Can You See Through The FOG?

"Lost in the Fog

How do so many smart, capable, people find themselves groping to understand behaviour that seems so obvious? One Key reason is that our blackmailers make it nearly impossible to see how they're manipulating us, at first, because they lay down a thick fog that obscures their actions. We'd fight back if we could, but they ensure the we literally can't see what is happening to us. I use fog both as a metaphor for the confusion blackmailers create in us and as a lens for burning it off.

FOG is shorthand way of referring to Fear, Obligation and Guilt, the blackmailers' tools of the trade. They pump an engulfing FOG into their relationships, ensuring that we will feel afraid to cross them, obligated to give them their way and terribly guilty if we don't.

Because it's so tough to cut through this FOG to recognize emotional blackmail when it's happening to you – or even in retrospect – I've devised the following checklist to help you determine if you are a blackmailer's target:

Do important people in your life:

Threaten to make your life difficult if you don't do what the want?
Constantly threaten to end the relationship if you don't do what they want?
Tell you or imply that they will neglect, hurt themselves or become depressed if you don't do what they want?
Always want more, no matter how much you give?
Regularly assume you will give in to them?
Regularly ignore or discount your feelings and wants?
Make lavish promises that are contingent on your behaviour and then rarely keep them?
Consistently label you as selfish, bad, greedy, unfeeling or uncaring when you don't give in to them?
Shower you with approval when you give in to them and take it away when you don't?
Use money as a weapon to get their way?

If you answered "yes' to even one of these questions, you are being emotionally blackmailed. But I want to assure you that there are many changes you can put into practice immediately to improve your situation and the way you feel."

Exact taken from "Emotional Blackmail" by Dr. Susan Forward with Donna Frazier.

The above information is an extract from a book that I have been recommending to my clients and giving them strategies how to deal with the FOG for years, it is truly amazing how many people answer "yes' to many of these questions and accept it as the norm, you can change and you can change the way people treat you, you are in control.

November 30, 2009June 18, 2012

Anorexia Nervosa is Not a Forgotten Illness.

It is very real and alive in our society today. !!

Anorexia Nervosa is but one; of a lot of deadly eating disorders which can be unnoticed until the extremities of the symptoms ‘take hold’ within the person. Many people with Anorexia Nervosa hide away and disguise themselves from society and their loving families. Both men and women of all ages can suffer from Anorexia Nervosa. Age is not necessary a heightened statistic although common in young teens; as many people only seek out help when perhaps they can no longer function in a healthy way in true reality. People with Anorexia Nervosa have extreme concerns about their weight, struggling to live with each day trying not to gain any solid mass. Everyday their emotions became more and more emerged into a world that differs from many. Vast amounts of time is spent trying not to ‘put on weight’ which takes over the person’s life. People with Anorexia Nervosa can go to deliberate measures to maintain a low body weight. Excessive exercise can contribute to extreme weight loss coupled with very little food intake.

Although food has a strong focus for the person with Anorexia Nervosa, it is the intense emotions and / or emotional difficulties that take over the person on both levels of consciousness. There are many different reasons and triggers why people suffer from Anorexia Nervosa, the exploration of those triggers and reasons are explored in a holistic manner which can be your journey back. ‘Seeking help’ is the first decision to change your life in some way, shape or form. Seeing a therapist can be scary and fearful yet supportive and helpful. Beginning a healing journey towards ‘self recovery’ from Anorexia Nervosa is ‘SO POSSIBLE’, ‘SO REAL’; it is something that can be done, can be achieved.! The journey back is not easy but life was never a ‘dress rehearsal’, we live each day as the real thing, good or bad, up and down. Life, time goes on, hour by hour, minute by minute, day by day. Time never stops. The process of recovery varies in length for each individual however with great courage, persistence and the right supports along the way, your life can be different. You can make it happen for you !

Feel free to chat with a me anytime.